Of Haphazard Happyness.

My potassium. My sweet, lovely potassium. I do wish everything was simpler. 

Ignore whether heaven will take you back.
Throw away your faith, babe.
Hide your wings tonight.
Be my soldier.

Not looking forward to dealing with all this shiznit after our exams end. Can I stay here in this moment with you forever and ever? Probably not.

The thing with relationships.

You want it, you get it, you complicate it, you lose it, you want it - again.

You made it hard for us to be friends. And because of that, things turned out this way. And now we are this way. You are this way. I am this way.

Sometimes, I wish ‘we’ never happened - because then we’d still be friends, amazing friends. But then, I’d think of the moments we had.

Us laying on the track, looking up at the starry skies, rolling around, tickles, stealing your shoes away, our almost-kiss that night which did not happen because you had no idea how hard my heart thumped when your breath caught mine, just laying there for hours and hours and hours till we realized it was only 3 hours from class.

Late-night ice-cream by the track.

You asking me out for ‘runs’, and we’d jog (so very slowly) and talked, and talked, and talked. God I miss those times where we never ran out of things to talk about.

At the canteen, sitting down with our friends, and of you sneaking winks at me.

You grabbing hold of my hand, telling our friend that I was yours.

You staying by my side after I got drunk.

Our first kiss.

Laying down on the floor, not saying a word.

That.

You hugging me tightly, I liked feeling breathless.

You insisting on walking me back to my room, holding my hands, taking the long route just to spend more time with me.

You making spaghetti for me at 2 in the morning.

You making time, or at least you used to.

Everything was beautiful in its time. Was. 

Of course, there were the many things you did or did not do which would probably balance all these beautiful things out. Like how you’d prefer hosting exchange students than to spend my birthday together with me. But, I’d like to remember the happy times. And I like not having to hate anyone. Hate’s tiring. Being indifferent’s so much easier. “You cease to exist when you’re forgotten”. That’s what I seek to do. Forget you.

What hurts the most? You, saying you were sorry this did not work, and you not meaning any of it. And for not having the balls to just let me go. You would’ve saved me much emotional turmoil. Agony, even. I’d think of the hell you put me through in Sem 2. And time and again, I’d spend precious minutes thinking about whether you do those things with her too. But I’m probably most angry of how I got hurt so badly when I didn’t even have much feelings for you. So yeah, ‘us’ was a mistake.

Skype with my 2 best girl friends for hours at 3 in the morning.
Laid in bed talking about profound shiznits with another girl friend till we slept.
Woke up at 2PM to my person’s voice over the phone.
Knowing someone traveled all the way down to the other end of Singapore just to have lunch with you.
In disbelief of actually having a canteen date.
Laying next to each other on the floor watching Castle (and not doing anything funny).
Hanging my laundry together.
Sharing private facebook albums of stupid pictures.

Ahead:
Ballroom and hip-hop dance practice with my fellow GLs.
Senior camp hide-and-seek at night.
Sleep.